literature

under the stars

Deviation Actions

DarkGern's avatar
By
Published:
310 Views

Literature Text

in an indigo sky, studded with
silver diamonds (far too many
to count), I get lost for hours.

the sound of your voice for company.
the heat of your head in the hollow
of my shoulder for comfort.  the
curve of your hand on mine for
guidance.  the incredible depth
of the sky makes us a special place
in the heavens.  for a moment, an
hour, an eternity of night.

then the day breaks and greets
back the intruding world.
I would count forever.



:iconthewrittenrevolution:

This is about as free verse as it gets.

Since the breaks don't fit well with the lines, I've added puncuation, which I wouldn't necissarily have done otherwise.

Does the current format work for this piece, or would it be better to break the phrases up structurally, somehow?
© 2010 - 2024 DarkGern
Comments18
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Rauron's avatar
:iconthewrittenrevolution: I really didn't get much from the piece. It seems like a happy scene, I guess, but overall it fell flat for me. Also, I didn't see the point in the line breaks; in fact, this could just as easily be a VERY short bit of prose.